Techifitness: get results

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Monday, December 19, 2016

Push THROUGH the End

If you're like a good number of people, you've already given up on your 2016 goals, especially if they involve anything with your health and fitness. I've seen steadily dwindling numbers in all of my group exercise classes since Halloween and I know in the last two weeks of the year the gym will seem like a desolate place. The holidays seem to be the perfect time to take a break or give up altogether, with the idea that you'll rededicate yourself in the new year.

"Integrity is keeping a commitment even after circumstances have changed." -- David Jeremiah

Going through such dramatic changes is the perfect ingredient for disaster. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can flip the switch on January 1. The goals you set for your life should change your life. Have you heard the words, "It's a lifestyle change," when it comes to reaching your ideal weight? Well that statement really applies to any and every goal you are setting.

"You're always a student, never a master. You have to keep moving forward." -- Conrad Hall

Yes! You will have to overcome some tough challenges to reach your goal. These tests are meant to mentally prepare you to accept the reward you wish to attain. Remember, the reason the current you does not yet have want it is you want is because you are not mentally or physically strong enough to accept it. Giving up now with the intention of starting again only proves that you are not ready to receive what you so desperately wish to have.

Regardless of the goal, you can still make progress during this time of year. This will make the transition into the new year a smooth one; building on the momentum you set now. Use these ideas to help you push through the end of the year.

1. Remember, all progress counts! One of my virtual mentor's stated that "Life Is Movement." Think about it. Things are constantly changing and moving. As long as you are living, your body continues to change. You cease to change when you die. Does this mean that when you refuse to change or when your stop changing, you are dead? Well, essentially, yes! It doesn't matter how fast you get there, as long as you get there. Keep placing one foot in front of the other until you reach your destination.

"Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward." -- Victor Kiam

2. Push Harder! It always gets tougher at the end or just before a big breakthrough. When reaching your goal gets tough, it's time pick up the pace and renew your enthusiasm. It's time to revisit why you want what you want. Ask yourself what achieving your goal will allow you to do. Visualize what it will look and feel like to finish! Use this to help you push harder. Don't be afraid to fight for your goal.

"You have to keep pushing towards those dreams no matter what setbacks happen." -- Anthony Hamilton

3. Get focused. Staying focused may be difficult during this time of year. With the changes in schedules and the addition of new or different activities, it can definitely be a challenge to stay on task. Multi-tasking is a myth. Your brain can only manage one thoughtful activity at a time. Attempting to multi-task only leaves you exhausted with fewer accomplishments because you spend more energy trying to "context switch" between tasks that require though. Instead of trying to tackle a lot of different important activities at the same time, try to set small increments of focused time to tackle the important items on you list. Schedule small breaks in between tasks to allow for your brain to recover and pick it back up again.

"Never give up, and be confident in what you do. There may be tough times, but the difficulties which you face will make you more determined to achieve your objectives and to win against all odds." -- Marta

The holidays are a great time to celebrate life. Remember this as you consider quitting or taking a break from the work required to reach your goals. It's fun to celebrate the life you have, especially while working to build the life you want. Imagine the celebration next year as you continue to push through the end of this year. Give yourself the best opportunity to truly enjoy that celebration by building momentum now.

"It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you don't stop." -- Confuscius

Monday, December 12, 2016

Celebrate Now and Celebrate Later

I truly appreciate those 'random acts of God' that help to keep me on track and save me from myself. You may think I'm terrible when I tell you why I'm so thankful and that's OK, because I know there are some folks out there right now who, like me, are concerned about keeping their health on track during this season where so many have every excuse to overindulge at their fingertips. It seems that every organization uses the end of the year to celebrate this year's accomplishments as we certainly should. It's just the way in which we celebrate that leaves me, in some ways, to feel like a scrooge.

"The only way to live is to accept each minute as an unrepeatable miracle, which is exactly what it is: a miracle and unrepeatable." -- Storm Jameson

Last week, I was ecstatic for my excuse to avoid my office's end of year sugar-fest disguised as a holiday/year end celebration where everyone is encouraged to make their favorite holiday sweets to share. We then gather right after lunch for two hours of sugar and games during the work day to 'celebrate' our accomplishments for the year. Although the organizers included the option for 'healthy' treats this year as to not appear to force people to choose unhealthy desserts, it's historically been a dessert-fest and that's what people bring.

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." -- Mae West

Ecstatic may be the wrong word, because I was definitely not feeling well. I was feeling a tad under the weather. I believe I was just feeling run down as I have a difficult time keeping a reasonable sleep schedule. I noticed my body was feeling much colder than usual and although we were experiencing a change in temperatures, my body was signaling me to take a rest. So I listened and celebrated all my hard work for the year warmly nestled in my bed, instead of doing double damage with immune-system-weakening-sugar-filled treats I would have succumbed to had I chose to go to work and attend the treat fest.

"Self sabotage is like a game of mental tug of war. It is the conscious mind versus the subconscious mind where the subconscious mind always eventually wins." -- Bo Bennet

Believe it or not, many of the events we attend during this holiday season with the purpose of celebrating create a perfect storm for self-sabotaging behavior. There is always an abundance of high calorie food and drinks, especially those loaded with sugar. Even if we manage to keep things in check, attending these events may add to our busy schedules causing us additional stress or will cause us to sacrifice other activities we may normally participate in.

"Just imagine how much you'd get done if you stopped actively sabotaging your own work." -- Seth Goden

Self-sabotaging behavior is any behavior that gets in the way of long-standing goals. Many times, people engage in this type of behavior simply because they do not believe they are deserving of success. Here are a few ways to avoid turning celebrations into sabotage so you can truly enjoy the Holidays now and still celebrate later:

1. Make a workout schedule and stick to it. If you find you have an especially busy day, plan for a couple short times to get moving. No one needs to workout for hours on end. 30-60 minutes will do, but if you are particularly busy 3-5 10 minute activity sessions beats nothing at all. If you don't have access right now, get 30 days of free streaming workouts through Beachbody On Demand. Planning and sticking to your workout schedule will not only provide you with the mental and physical energy you need to get through your busy days, but will also give you at least one thing you can have control over. During this busy time of year, we need to feel in control of something in our day to avoid feeling burned-out or let down.

2. Get good sleep. We all know that it's hard to keep your stress and emotions in check without proper rest, but do you understand how minimal sleep disrupts your hormones? Studies show that even one night of poor sleep raises your insulin levels. If you're over indulging in sugary treats on top of that, you are keeping your body in a high stress state. This encourages your body to protect its vital organs by storing fat.

3. Celebrate by focusing on the company and not the food. To do this, avoid showing up to events hungry and drink more water while you are there. Plan for any treats you may encounter at the event. It's OK to be a food-snob, or as I call it a "fit foodie." Enjoying great food is great, just make sure it truly IS great.

To celebrate yourself, you have to be your biggest cheerleader and avoid self-sabotaging behaviors. You must believe you are deserving of success. The best time to start getting in the best shape of your life for 2017 is NOW! It's not the time to toss your workouts until the new year or over-indulge in foods that will not benefit you. So many people attempt to hit the ground crawling once the New Year rolls around as they struggle to pull themselves out of bad habits they slid into during the holidays. It is difficult to pull a complete 180 and go from overeating and overindulgence to eating clean and exercising within a matter of a few days, even for the most dedicated individuals. Now is the time to truly celebrate yourself and set yourself up for more celebrating in 2017.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Movement Monday: Speak the Life You Want

The Law of Attraction says, What you think about, talk about, believe strongly about, and feel intensely about, you will bring about. You are a culmination of your thoughts, which form your beliefs which lead to your actions.

The Law of Attraction is not new, although the naming of it may be. Christian's are commanded to "pray without ceasing," in 1 Thessalonians 5:17. Praying causes you to speak what you want. It shifts what you dream and believe into the tangible. There are many biblical scriptures that relate to this truth. "And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith." - Matt. 21:22

Understanding this simple truth will work wonders in your life. So how do you use this simple law to get what you want in life?

First, you must ask for what you want and not for what you don't want. This is more difficult than you think because our brains are trained to avoid the negative. It's easy to say "I don't want to be ____," or "I don't like ____," but speaking about what we don't want leaves a lot of ambiguity as to what it is we want. Plus, it gives energy to what it is we don't want and believe it or not, we are more likely to receive exactly what it is we did not want.

An affirmative thought is 100 times more powerful than a negative one. I remember having a conversation about speaking in the affirmative with my son while he was recovering from knee surgery during his Freshman year in high school. He was afraid to lose his opportunities to participate with the varsity football team in his Sophomore year; an opportunity he had worked diligently for the last year until he was injured. I encouraged him to speak about what he wanted and to remind himself of it every single day.

We need to be clear and speak on what it is we want. When we understand exactly what we want, we are more likely to seek the information to bring it into existence. This leads us to the next step.

Believe that you'll get what you want, then take action. This is why the first step is so crucial. It is easier to believe and take action on something that is distinct. For example, a lot of people will say they want to lose weight, not realizing how vague this statement is. They may succeed in losing some weight, but do it is such an unhealthy way they've left their body in a worse state than they started. The weight they've lost may have been mostly muscle mass leaving them weaker and unhealthier than they started. Their lost muscle mass leaves them with a slowed metabolism leaving it more likely for the 'lost' weight to be found again.

“You don’t get in life what you want, you get what you believe.” -- Oprah Winfrey

Once you believe in your concrete desires, you must take action. Taking the actions that will create your desired result affirms your belief that what you want is within reach. It adds to your expectation.

Lastly, receive what you want by becoming a match for it. Focus on creating positive emotions towards your desires. Be grateful for what it is you do have, even the lessons you've learned or you are learning in the process of reaching your goal. Speak on your gratitude for your desired results as if you've already achieved it. This is exactly what daily affirmations are; a visualization and statement of your goals as if you've already reached them that you repeat daily.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Movement Monday: Take Action Now!

We are nearing the end of the month I like to call "No Excuses November" and guess what?! So many people are making excuses about why this isn't a good time to focus on their health. Especially this week, Thanksgiving week, where most Americans will literally eat themselves into a coma and Thursday and then stress themselves out racking up debt in the spirit of giving. Sounds a little absurd when put this way, but it's true.

"You can't build a reputation on what you're going to do." -- Henry Ford

Many of us are stuck in the same cycle, year after year, vowing to miraculously make a drastic change at the beginning of the year only to find themselves making excuses again in "No Excuses November!" The thinking that says, "I will start building my ideal future tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year," is fatally flawed. The future you are going to live is the one you are creating right now at this very moment.

The reality is that every moment counts! If you truly value what it is you have in this life, you understand the importance of living for today; not tomorrow. It's important to understand that the results you obtain are a direct byproduct of the actions you take.

"Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

This is a perfect week to start something new. Today is the perfect day to take action on what you've been wanting for yourself, but have just been pushing it off into the future. The fact that it's a major holiday week means in the US means your schedule will most likely be different than any other week in the year. Use this change in your weekly routine to change something in your life. Here are a few ways you can use this week to your advantage.

Eliminate distraction. This may seem like a challenge if you are visiting family or family is visiting you, but you'll be the best house guest or hostess if you keep your own needs in mind. Schedule time to collect your thoughts. Take a walk, or schedule 5-10 minutes to yourself, even if it means taking a longer than normal shower.

Gain clarity. It's hard to take action on what it is you want if you really aren't sure what it is you want. If you've been holding off on taking action for a while, you probably have a million dreams and ideas of what it is you want. Take time to write them down and get clear on what is a good fit for you.

"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage." -- Dale Carnegie

Set priorities. Often times, there is so much to do, and we have so many great ideas, that we struggle to take massive action on any of them. We feel overwhelmed with the changes we may feel we need to make. Instead of targeting everything at once, focus on making 1-3 changes at a time and stick to it.

Avoid perfectionism. Maybe we think that we can’t move forward with something without it being absolutely perfect. Many people falsely believe the perfect time to do something is somewhere in the future and this future never happens because it doesn't exist. The perfect time to start is now! Change is incremental. Understand that you may not get it right the first time, but you won't know what works for you until you start. So start now so you can find what will work for you.

Thanksgiving week is a great time to continue to move your life in the direction you want it to go. I want you to benefit from this week and the biggest benefit of taking action now is the boost it will bring to your confidence. Our inaction creates doubt and uncertainty. When we don't take action, we start listening to others about why something won’t work. Lack of action causes us to tune in to the voice in our head that has become a breeding ground for doubt, fear and uncertainty. We become too afraid of focusing on the wrong thing or worry what will happen if we fail, not realizing that we are guaranteeing failure by not taking action now.

Monday, November 7, 2016

Movement Monday: Why Are You Afraid to Commit to Yourself?

Many people believe they know what they want. They have a desire for the short term -- lose weight, have more energy, make more money, get out of debt, have more fun and the list goes on. Deciding what you want is the easy part. Having the desire to improve a part of our lives is the easy part.

"Desire is the key to motivation, but it's determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek." -- Mario Andretti

But like the saying goes, "if it were easy, everyone would do it." Wanting the improvement is easy, committing to the plan to achieve it is difficult, if not impossible, for most and thus many are stuck in a cycle of continuous desire. We never attain whatever it is we wish to have or we greatly diminish the outcome, simply because we're afraid to commit to a plan to get us what we want. Long-term the cycle of wanting and never fully reaching leaves us feeling empty and significantly reduces our self-confidence making us believe that we were never meant to have whatever it was we desired anyway.

As a health and fitness coach and an avid believer of living an intentional life, I see this time and time again with people that come to me for help with weight loss. Even though I can spot it almost immediately in others lives, I too struggle with a lack of commitment when it comes to going for things I really want. It led me to wonder why is it so hard for anyone to stick with a plan to help them reach their goal?

"An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

We all know that it's not enough to have the intention of changing; we have to act on that intention for things to get better. Many of us know what it is we need to do, but how many of us actually do what we know to do? Not only must we do what we know to do just once, we must do it consistently. Consistent action on the planned and critical tasks needed to reach your goal is the key to getting what you want in life. We must commit to acting consistently and it's that commitment that scares most people.

The term 'commitment-phobe' is typically reserved for people that are afraid to commit to a relationship, but in reality, it applies to everyone who is afraid to make a commitment. At the heart of all fear is the dread that something might be lost. Noncommittal people in general fear being 'trapped' and losing, as they see it, their freedom. Someone who has trouble committing may fear losing options, but every decision we make in life, by definition, means losing other options. No matter what you do, there is always another kind of life you could have lived. A commitment-phobe fears making the 'wrong decision'.

"Competing in sports has taught me that if I'm not willing to give 120 percent, somebody else will." -- Warren Farrell

When you are desiring a change in your life, you must make a commitment to the actions that will bring about the change and that 'loss of freedom' is due to that uncomfortable feeling of change. It is human nature to choose comfortable actions over uncomfortable ones. In fact, there is a portion of the brain, the amygdala, that reacts negatively when we are facing risks. It's very helpful in avoiding danger, but when is desiring a better future for yourself dangerous?

The sad part of all of this, is that we sit in this never ending cycle of desiring and never attaining, afraid to make a commitment to ourselves and our dreams. We believe we know what to do, yet we will not commit to doing it. Why?

There are several reasons why I believe we choose to neglect our own desires and I promise to dig deeper into them next week. Do you recognize this fear of commitment to yourself in yourself? Some tale-tale signs of a fear of commitment:

Making the same 'New Year Resolution' every year
Losing and regaining a large amount of weight
Getting into and out of shape

In the meantime if you can't wait until next week's edition, join me and a few of my friends who are learning how to commit to having a great holiday season in my #fALLDONE group. Doing something for yourself doesn't have to be scary. Working through change in a comfortable setting with all the support you desire can make it fun. You deserve to have everything you desire and in this group, I'm committed to helping you get there.

Monday, October 31, 2016

Movement Monday: Just Get It Done!

I'm just returning from a trip to Chennai, Tamil Nadu, India for work and it was an eye-opening experience! It was a busy week and nearly every moment was utilized while I was in the office. I barely had time to think about how jet-lagged I was. I won't even count the number of cups of espresso I had the first day I was there, but to my surprise, by day 3, I was back to my regular caffeine habit -- a cup or two in the morning to wake me up.

Besides participating with my co-workers in their experiences in the office and providing technical training as the team lead, I was interested in an entirely separate aspect of this travel -- could I set a workout plan a stick to it? I knew the meals weren't entirely in my control due to the strong recommendation to avoid all uncooked items, like fresh fruit and veggies, if I wanted to keep my insides in tact. I managed to add another challenge to this difficulty when I arrived at the airport and realized I managed to leave my Shakeology and Go Macro bars behind.

"The most effective way to do it, is to do it." -- Amelia Earhart

I became a fitness coach because I'm passionate about fitness and I love helping and supporting others become their best! I enjoy sharing my life experiences as a working single-parent, whether good or bad, to help others. Even with the numerous experiences I've had and shared, there was at least one situation that I couldn't seem to come up with a real answer for when current or potential clients rationalized business travel as a reason for avoiding starting a health improvement regimen or getting off track on their planned routine. I always believe that if it's importantant to you, you will do it. Since 'feeling good' about themselves is important to most people, having the right motivation to stay on track is the key to maintaining a reasonable portion of healthy activities while traveling for business.

In my workplace, it is common knowledge that I am also a group exercise instructor, so many coworkers feel very comfortable discussing their struggles and shortcomings in this area. What most don't realize is my commitment to myself and my own health and fitness, but quickly find out when I share some of my strategies for just getting it done.

I had a couple opportunities to share with my co-worker I was traveling with during our 30+ hour journey after he expressed his frustrations with the way he was feeling about his health and exercise stamina. Over the past 2 years, he had taken on more responsibilities at work that required him to travel to locations all over the world and really wanted to get his health back on track.

"Vision without action is a daydream. Action with without vision is a nightmare.” —Japanese proverb

So here are 4 things that helped me while traveling for business.

Have a Clear Vision of What it is You Want - We all want to live our life to it's full potential and that means creating a powerful vision of what we want for our lives. The more powerful the vision, the more it will compel you to find a way to get it done, even when it is not comfortable. I knew skipping a full week of exercise would add to my challenges when I returned home when I needed to teach classes, far beyond the jetlag and the attempt to get back to my normal routine. I didn't want to deal with this additional struggle. Even more compelling than this was the bridesmaid dress I wanted to slay at the end of the year. I could not afford to get off track.
Set Realistic Expectations - Since I had 4 full days in India, it would have been great to get in 4 exercise sessions since I easily get in more than that over the same span of time while at home. However, realistically, I knew I'd be dealing with jetlag and I wouldn't arrive to my hotel room until the early morning hours on the first day. Instead of pressuring myself to complete something unreasonable, I planned for 3 days of exercise. I wouldn't beat myself up if I only completed 2, but I knew if I got the first day in on Wednesday (day 2 of my trip), the rest of the days would be easy.

Day 3 - 2nd workout using BOD in my hotel room
Create An Action Plan for Success - I checked out the hotel ahead of time to see if there was a gym and thankfully there was, but I also knew I had access to Beachbody on Demand for plenty of great workout options. I also made sure to pack my workout clothes. Seems simple, but 'forgetting' workout clothes is a huge excuse for not getting it done!
Celebrate Your Success - I documented and shared my workout completions with my accountability group and on social media. The goal was for me to share my happiness for getting it done. It is so rewarding to share your wins, no matter how small or insignificant it might seem to others. I'm not doing it for them, I'm doing it for me!

Day 4 - Finishing up my last workout session in the hotel gym

I am happy to say that I wasn't the only one getting my workouts in. My co-worker was determined to make a change to his routine so he could start feeling better next year. However, when I shared with him that I completed my first workout on day 2 and asking him about his plans for the Cap10K next year, he was motivated to get started while on the trip. He successfully completed 2 workout sessions and was extremely proud. I was super proud too!

My next accountability group is getting started today and there is still time to join us! We're going to get it ALL DONE during this busy holiday season. My goal is to help you maintain control over your busy schedule while taking care of you! We'll all learn and implement simple techniques for managing our busy lives so that we can truly enjoy this holiday season and get next year started right. Leave a comment here or connect with me on social media and I'll let you know how to get started. Let's get it #fALLDONE!

Monday, October 24, 2016

Movement Monday: How We Lose our Balance

This is a continuation of last weeks message, cause my goal is to KISS - Keep It Short & Simple! I want you to create movement... THIS week... TODAY! OK?! So check out last week's blog if you missed it - Is Balance a Mission Impossible?

I personally have moments where I spend more focus in certain areas of my life and let others go. I may have a few weeks where my nutrition is spot on, followed by weeks where I'll skip out on planning and prepping to spend focus on other areas. Luckily, my body and my mind will literally get tired of missing out on their required nutrients, my workouts and energy will suffer and I get right back on track!

"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony." -- Thomas Merton

Many times, however, we don't really recognize when we're off track, because of the gradual slide. If you've never really taken the time to really get in tune with your body and know what it feels like to feel good, you don't really get what it feels like to not feel good. If you have gotten to that point, where you feel invincible, powerful and strong, you don't realize that you're not until you're in desperate need of change.

So, how is it that we get out of balance in the first place? The idea is that if you watch for the actual cause of the problem you can catch yourself before you "hit rock bottom," or get to that dreaded place that's difficult to return from.

Perfectionism: I was once a perfectionist. Burnout changed that for me. I realized I was striving for the impossible and wasn't really having fun. Since perfection can never be reached, more time is spent trying to be perfect than actually accomplishing tasks which just makes you tired. If you are a perfectionist, take time to figure out what it is you're trying to prove because the only person who should care about what you're doing is you!

Control: So many people mistakenly think that tasks will just get done faster, or correctly if they do it themselves, but there comes a point where this is no longer true. Control freaks often don’t trust others to help them accomplish the task at hand; therefore, they spend time micromanaging or just doing the work themselves. They work long hours because they need to do it themselves. True, it may take additional time showing someone else the way you prefer it done, but if you allow someone else to make that task their main focus, you will soon find that they will find even better ways to get it done. You've gotta just let it go!

Escaping: It is so easy to get out of balance when you're running from something difficult. Grief (a death or major event) and loss (the end of a relationship) are two examples of this. If not checked in time, it can be extremely unhealthy.

"Balance, peace, and joy are the fruit of a successful life. It starts with recognizing your talents and finding ways to serve others by using them." -- Thomas Kinkade

Recognition or a badge of honor: Some people just don't realize how big their ego is and what how much it needs to be fed. When you're putting in extra time just to hear someone give you kudos, you should question yourself. When you do things for the right reasons and with the right perspective, it will work out alright. Recognize what's truly important to you and plan your days and life accordingly.

There are many other ways that people can get out of balance, but if the activity is hurting yourself or others, you should do some serious self examination and determine if you are being honest with yourself over your true motives and make sure you are creating the life you want to be proud of on your last day. How do you want to be remembered?

This is the third in a series of posts about getting it ALL DONE! Fall is a great time to evaluate what you're doing right now to get it all done! With kids back in school, most parents have more mission critical activities and responsibilities. These are the kinds of activities and responsibilities that tend to cause us to feel overwhelm and will lead to burnout if left unchecked. Since I don't know anyone that wants to feel drained and exhausting for their holidays I'm focusing my next online fitness challenge opening October 31st and running through the first day of Winter. I want you to find YOUR balance so you can learn to get it fALL DONE!

Monday, October 3, 2016

Movement Monday: Do What Makes YOU Happy!

Welcome to Movement Monday! This started as an email I sent weekly to my customers and clients designed to motivate continued action to achieve a desired goal throughout the week. My mission is to provide the "want to" when it comes to reaching YOUR goal because the "how to" is different for every body and every goal. When you are constantly seeking the truth, you will find exactly what you need. Each email contains a subject, practical suggestions or encouragement surrounding the subject and powerful quotes that support the weekly theme. After a big shift in my life, I am motivated to share my email with everyone! My email subscribers will still receive an abridged version with a link to the full details here.

I'm sure we've all heard the saying by now, "You CAN NOT make everyone happy!" Any attempt to try to please others, not only makes them unhappy, but most importantly, it makes you unhappy.

Even if you are very well aware of this fact, we have to remind ourselves from time to time. Why are we so obsessed with pleasing others? Believe me, I am not immune to these pathetic people pleasing pursuits. Just check out my dilemma in a previous blog, permanently documented for all to see - Taking Extreme Measures.

Don't worry, I won't try to make you unhappy by lecturing you on why you shouldn't be a people-pleaser. Instead, I want to share with you how my son learned this lesson for himself.

"You can't please everyone. When you're too focused on living up to other people's standards, you aren't spending enough time raising your own. Some people may whisper, complain and judge. But for the most part, it's all in your head. People care less about your actions than you think. Why? They have their own problems!" -- Kris Carr

This year has been more challenging than usual raising my son. Single parent or not, I have a teenager!!! His 16-year-old brain has allowed him to imagine he's an adult, but we all know the truth - the region of the brain which is responsible for instinctual reactions develops much earlier than the frontal cortex, the area of the brain that controls reasoning and helps us think before we act.

Although he is a well-behaved kid and I consider him fairly mature for his age, because he is focused and driven, he is still a teen and I was at my wits end with his behavior and attitude. When he wanted to live with his father in Colorado, I was ready to let him; even though it broke my heart.

He did as much 'research' as he could to see what it would be like living out there. He visited with his potential school, met some potential classmates and considered what types of activities he might have the opportunity to try so that he could see if it might really be a good fit for him.

As hard as it was, I supported his discoveries every step of the way. Once he was accepted into his new school in Colorado it seemed that nothing was holding him back from choosing to live with his dad. For my son, however, it seemed to make his decision harder as he started to pay attention and appreciate some of the comforts he had back in Texas. I told him that as hard as it might be to live away from me, I couldn't help him make his decision.

"All I can do is follow my instincts, because I'll never please everyone." -- Emma Watson

Sure, as his custodial parent, I could certainly choose to not allow him to go and I got a lot of flack from a few of my friends who disagreed with my decision. It's quite interesting how people will attempt to place their standards on your life as though they've walked in your shoes. I knew however, what I could and could not live with. I believed in the possibility of this move benefiting my son for his future as a productive member of society.

I too had to follow what I told my son. "Don't be worried about who might be sad or mad about decisions you make for your life. You're the one that has to look at yourself in the mirror every day. You have to live with the choices you make, so make one you can live with."

It was interesting how my son was reminded of what I told him from a couple mentors when he was in Colorado and considering returning back home to Texas. Especially considering how he felt at the time, they are ultimately what helped him to decide to come back home.

So, I want to focus on some simple signs that you are unhappy as these became evident to my son almost immediately and although he didn't truly understand, they are fairly classic symptoms that you are not aligned with your purpose. Use these to check your "happiness meter," because leaving them unchecked can lead to depression

No longer enjoying what you love to do. I was surprised when my son told me that he had to motivate himself to go to practices. My son will work out from sun up to sun down to perfect his craft. At home, I must encourage him to rest, reminding him that muscles need rest to rebuild.
Difficulty waking up in the morning. I'm not talking about true exhaustion, where you've probably set your alarm way too early for the time you went to bed. I'm talking about not having the desire to accomplish YOUR day after a reasonable portion of rest. My son only recognized this when he made it back home to Texas and had to be up at 6 AM for practice. He said he had no problems getting up, when it was completely opposite in Colorado.
You can't get in the groove. My son complained of his struggles with getting things complete like he needed, but I personally felt this also when he was gone. I had ZERO creative juices and absolutely no motivation to motivate. This is a problem when you are used to providing motivation and support to people who are looking to make a change in their life. It's hard to motivate others, when I could not motivate myself.
You feel out of place. My son was the new kid in a new environment, so it was definitely natural for him to feel out of place. However, when you don't envision yourself ever fitting in, that becomes a problem. If you don't see yourself thriving in an environment, you won't. Your vision is the best predictor of your outcome. If you can't create a positive vision of your future, you won't have a positive outcome.

It is important to recognize when you're unhappy and analyze why. As hard as this past year has been, I'm thankful my son had the experiences he had. He has some invaluable tools that will help him become that productive member of society every parent hopes their child will become. I look forward to seeing what his future holds, but I also appreciate every moment we get to share. I will admit, we are both happier now that we both made decisions WE could live with!

If this post has helped you in any way, please share it with someone you care about so they too can start building the life of their dreams!