Movement Monday: Do What Makes YOU Happy!

Welcome to Movement Monday!  This started as an email I sent weekly to my customers and clients designed to motivate continued action to achieve a desired goal throughout the week.  My mission is to provide the "want to" when it comes to reaching YOUR goal because the "how to" is different for every body and every goal.  When you are constantly seeking the truth, you will find exactly what you need.  Each email contains a subject, practical suggestions or encouragement surrounding the subject and powerful quotes that support the weekly theme.  After a big shift in my life, I am motivated to share my email with everyone!  My email subscribers will still receive an abridged version with a link to the full details here.

I'm sure we've all heard the saying by now, "You CAN NOT make everyone happy!"  Any attempt to try to please others, not only makes them unhappy, but most importantly, it makes you unhappy.

Even if you are very well aware of this fact, we have to remind ourselves from time to time.  Why are we so obsessed with pleasing others?  Believe me, I am not immune to these pathetic people pleasing pursuits.  Just check out my dilemma in a previous blog, permanently documented for all to see - Taking Extreme Measures.

Don't worry, I won't try to make you unhappy by lecturing you on why you shouldn't be a people-pleaser.  Instead, I want to share with you how my son learned this lesson for himself.

"You can't please everyone.  When you're too focused on living up to other people's standards, you aren't spending enough time raising your own.  Some people may whisper, complain and judge.  But for the most part, it's all in your head.  People care less about your actions than you think.  Why?  They have their own problems!" -- Kris Carr

This year has been more challenging than usual raising my son.  Single parent or not, I have a teenager!!!  His 16-year-old brain has allowed him to imagine he's an adult, but we all know the truth - the region of the brain which is responsible for instinctual reactions develops much earlier than the frontal cortex, the area of the brain that controls reasoning and helps us think before we act.

Although he is a well-behaved kid and I consider him fairly mature for his age, because he is focused and driven, he is still a teen and I was at my wits end with his behavior and attitude.  When he wanted to live with his father in Colorado, I was ready to let him; even though it broke my heart.

He did as much 'research' as he could to see what it would be like living out there.  He visited with his potential school, met some potential classmates and considered what types of activities he might have the opportunity to try so that he could see if it might really be a good fit for him.

As hard as it was, I supported his discoveries every step of the way.  Once he was accepted into his new school in Colorado it seemed that nothing was holding him back from choosing to live with his dad.  For my son, however, it seemed to make his decision harder as he started to pay attention and appreciate some of the comforts he had back in Texas.  I told him that as hard as it might be to live away from me, I couldn't help him make his decision.

"All I can do is follow my instincts, because I'll never please everyone." -- Emma Watson

Sure, as his custodial parent, I could certainly choose to not allow him to go and I got a lot of flack from a few of my friends who disagreed with my decision.  It's quite interesting how people will attempt to place their standards on your life as though they've walked in your shoes.  I knew however, what I could and could not live with.  I believed in the possibility of this move benefiting my son for his future as a productive member of society.

I too had to follow what I told my son.  "Don't be worried about who might be sad or mad about decisions you make for your life.  You're the one that has to look at yourself in the mirror every day.  You have to live with the choices you make, so make one you can live with."

It was interesting how my son was reminded of what I told him from a couple mentors when he was in Colorado and considering returning back home to Texas.  Especially considering how he felt at the time, they are ultimately what helped him to decide to come back home.

So, I want to focus on some simple signs that you are unhappy as these became evident to my son almost immediately and although he didn't truly understand, they are fairly classic symptoms that you are not aligned with your purpose.  Use these to check your "happiness meter," because leaving them unchecked can lead to depression

1. No longer enjoying what you love to do.  I was surprised when my son told me that he had to motivate himself to go to practices.  My son will work out from sun up to sun down to perfect his craft.  At home, I must encourage him to rest, reminding him that muscles need rest to rebuild.
2. Difficulty waking up in the morning.  I'm not talking about true exhaustion, where you've probably set your alarm way too early for the time you went to bed.  I'm talking about not having the desire to accomplish YOUR day after a reasonable portion of rest.  My son only recognized this when he made it back home to Texas and had to be up at 6 AM for practice.  He said he had no problems getting up, when it was completely opposite in Colorado.
   
3. You can't get in the groove.  My son complained of his struggles with getting things complete like he needed, but I personally felt this also when he was gone.  I had ZERO creative juices and absolutely no motivation to motivate.  This is a problem when you are used to providing motivation and support to people who are looking to make a change in their life.  It's hard to motivate others, when I could not motivate myself.
4. You feel out of place. My son was the new kid in a new environment, so it was definitely natural for him to feel out of place.  However, when you don't envision yourself ever fitting in, that becomes a problem.  If you don't see yourself thriving in an environment, you won't.  Your vision is the best predictor of your outcome.  If you can't create a positive vision of your future, you won't have a positive outcome.

 It is important to recognize when you're unhappy and analyze why.  As hard as this past year has been, I'm thankful my son had the experiences he had.  He has some invaluable tools that will help him become that productive member of society every parent hopes their child will become.  I look forward to seeing what his future holds, but I also appreciate every moment we get to share.  I will admit, we are both happier now that we both made decisions WE could live with!

If this post has helped you in any way, please share it with someone you care about so they too can start building the life of their dreams!

Cauliflower is the New Carb

Who new Cauliflower could be such a trickster?  I've seen many uses for cauliflower on social media, but was always a little skeptical if I could really 'secretly' replace it for some of our starchy staples.  My go-to taste-tester, my teenage son, has grown up sampling many of my food experiments, both good and not so good.  He's typically a good sport and will not only give most things a try, but give me his honest opinion.  He was cool with my Roasted Garlic Faux Mashed Potatoes and even had seconds, but when my dad, who is a super stubborn carb-lover enjoyed them too, I knew I should explore a few more ideas.

I really wanted to try cauliflower pizza crust, but I was only searching halfheartedly because I was warned it was a ton of work and a lot of time for a single meal.  Although I enjoy being in the kitchen, my schedule does not allow for wasted kitchen time.  Plus, some of the pictures I saw of others pizza on the cauliflower crust really didn't look all that appetizing.  I really wanted my son to enjoy a slice or two and I knew that would not happen if it didn't look like a regular pizza.

So, I searched the internet and came up with this recipe: The Secret to Perfect Cauliflower Pizza Crust.  The title alone made me take a look, because it sounded like exactly what I was looking for.

Showing off the Sous Chef

Plus any opportunity to chop up things in my lovely food processor is exciting.  I highly recommend making the investment, if you haven't already.  It saves a tremendous amount of time.

'Riced' Cauliflower

If you don't have a food processor and want to quickly 'rice' your cauliflower, use a large cheese grater.  Just watch those fingers as you get close to the end!

Boiling the cauli-rice is quick and simple.  Straining it is not if you don't have the right sized strainer.  I ended up buying a super-sized strainer after making this crust because I knew I would make it again and saving time is a must!










If you peeked at the recipe link, you'll know the secret is right here; squeezing the cauli-rice dry.  The cauli-rice will be super hot, so if you have those rubber oven-mitts, use them.















Finally mix up your crust.  The recipe link used goat cheese.  Since I'm not a big fan, I used fresh grated Parmesan.

Crust Ingrediants

Raw crust

The crust was easy to mix and then press into my heart-shaped pizza pan.  You want to keep it pretty thin.  Mine was about 1/4 inch.

Voila!  I LOVE this crust!!

Baked crust

Most importantly, my teen did too!  Here's the pic from my social media post recreating an old Valentine's Day photo.  I know the nutrients in this year's heart crust far out-weight those in the past.  I truly know how to LOVE my family!  XOXO

Raising a Health Nut

Spontaneity brings excitement! Right?!  Well, this past weekend I spontaneously reorganized my pantry.  Yeah, not so exiting, but it did get me thinking.  One thing about clearing out clutter is it helps you to reflect on where you've been. The reason it becomes clutter is that it is no longer really important in your life.  You never think of things that are important to you as clutter, although someone else might.  Your treasures are clearly not important to them.

I cleared out the packaged food that clearly no one in the house was going to eat. I remembered the days when my family - which consists of me and my son who is now a young teen - would eat some of those trinkets up like it was going out of style.  Eating those healthily unhealthy delicacies.  How many times have you reasoned with yourself that the tasty little treats you might have been allowed to have once a week growing up, was OK as a daily staple because kids will burn it off fast? The truth is that children typically do have high metabolisms.  Our feelings aren't completely invalid.  However, it's a fact that childhood obesity has tripled in the past two decades and something must be done to teach our kids how to eat nutritiously and enjoy it.  I believe wholeheartedly in my responsibility as a parent to, as stated in Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way that he should go..."

What is so interesting is that during the time I was convincing myself that those little things didn't really matter, as a family, we weren't quite where I wanted to be.  Somehow I was hoping and wishing my son would magically see the light when it came to his nutrition and the the effect it had on him reaching his dreams.

I have always been one to struggle with my weight.  When I became a mother, I vowed to learn how to treat my body right and ensure my kids knew how to treat their bodies right. I definitely didn't want my children to have the same struggles I had with my weight due to lack of understanding about proper nutrition, which ultimately led to my low self-esteem

I know there are many who grew up with horrible eating habits, but who's athleticism kept them lean.  I personally know plenty of individuals who have been able to sustain their so-so eating habits into their adult lives and appear healthy.

Regardless, my reality is that my family doesn't have those genes.  We have a high rate of high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes; all related to weight.  Even at the age of 11, my son was at risk for developing diabetes.  He wasn't obese.  He was hardly overweight.  But he weighed more than the BMI chart recommendations and the doctors were concerned.  Of course I was concerned.  When I looked back at our daily habits, week after week, I began to feel like I wasn't doing my job as a parent.

So what changed?  How was I able to convince my son to improve his eating?  How did I get my kid hooked on healthy?  What I have is not a formula, but what worked for us; for him and for me, based on our situation and personalities.  As unique as we are, I know there is someone who can identify with some of the items I have listed below.

1. Teach your child why it is important to eat healthy.

My parenting style, as I would define it is a 'no nonsense' type of mother.  It is partially a result of the fact that I am a single mother and have raised my child on my own since he was 1 year old.  He has grown up around a lot of adults and like me, he is very intelligent and he thinks analytically.  He has not been raised the way I was raised, but I was also raised in a two parent home, so I prefer not to make comparisons.  My end goal is for him to be able to reason for himself.  For someone like him, giving him the logic behind the choices makes them stick.

The bottom line is, people that are in good health have a better quality of life; thus they are happier people.  You ever been around a bunch of fitness instructors?  They are chipper like cheerleaders at 5 AM!  Its not by chance and faking anything at 5 AM is impossible. There is something about eating good food and releasing endorphins through daily exercise that keep your energy and your moods up.  Even though I would occasionally use physical activity for my son as a 'punishment' for bad behavior, the truth of the matter is, he loved it, so the jury is still out on if it accomplished the intended goal.. 

2. Be honest with your child about the dangers of unhealthy eating.

When my son was 11, the doctors were concerned about his kidney function.  I took him for a physical just before preparing to spend the summer with his father. His father lives 1000 miles away from me.  Much too far for my own comfort; especially when it came to making healthy decisions as it had been proven in past summers.

Just 2 short summers before that one, I recall my son telling me how him and his cousin would walk to the store every day to get 99 cent fountain sodas.  That corner store was just outside the complex!  I made it vividly clear what he would be facing if he chose to repeat that summer.  He was full aware that he could very well be facing a life of sticking himself with a needle before he ate, after he ate, before he played sports, when he woke up, before he went to bed just to be sure his blood sugar was stable so he could eat and play sports IF he was allowed and if they hadn't needed to cut his feet off yet.  Would that scare a kid?  Maybe.  Is it a reality to some?  Absolutely!

3. Allow your child to make choices about the foods they eat.

I gave my child tons of knowledge about making food choices; how it was OK to have something your body couldn't use, just not every day.  He was also given plenty of opportunities to make choices.  I learned this technique from a class I took and book I read called "Parenting with Love & Logic" (http://www.loveandlogic.com/).  I still recommend this course to all parents today.  The whole premise is to allow your children to make mistakes through their decision making process while the consequences are small and they will be able to make wiser choices when it really counts.

Giving children this type of freedom can definitely lead to some funny moments.  I still remember leaving soccer practice one Monday evening when my son was about 8 and he really wanted some ice cream.  He proclaimed that he had earned it because he worked so hard during practice.  Of course, I told him "No."  And of course I followed it with a "because we had sweets while we were out of town this weekend."  Case closed!  Right?!  Not for this kid.  His response, "I wish you didn't LOVE me so much!"  He knew he couldn't argue the point that he didn't have sweets during the weekend.  His only resort was to the fact that I cared about him too much to allow him make a bad choice for his body.

4. Get your child involved in activity.

For my son, it happened to be sports.  He loved soccer, basketball and of course, football.  We live in Texas.  However, there are plenty of activities even outside of sports where its participants are encouraged to be healthy.  Heck, in life you are encouraged to be healthy.  It may be just coincidence, but when my son came back to me after spending that summer with his father when he was 11, he was a little leaner and definitely quicker.  Instead of spending the summer with video games and corner store sodas, he played soccer with some of the neighborhood kids.  I didn't have to make the choice.  He did!  As time went on and his athletic desires increased, he began to get a glimpse of what it would take not only physically, but nutritionally to achieve his goals.

5. Practice what you preach.

Even with all the knowledge, education, warnings, seeing other family members deal with the negative effects of high blood pressure and diabetes, and with all the choices he had a chance to make, nothing made a bigger impact on his ability to get focused nutritionally than when I became focused on my nutrition.  It has been 18 months since I said enough is enough and I got back on board with my health and fitness.  Not only have I gotten leaner and healthier, but my son has too.  Since he is still growing, his 11 pound loss is astounding.  He looks like a completely different person.  Not only is he focused on putting in the work, but he is focused on what he is putting in his body.  This is not to say that we don't ever have food that is great for the taste buds, but completely void of nutrition.  We just do it purposefully.  Those prepackaged trinkets manufactured for a long shelf life can stay on the shelf  -- just not in our home.