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Monday, January 30, 2017

Choose Growth

We've reached the end of the first month of this new year and I've watched so many people have flipped the switch. There is something special about the new year that encourages people to get a little more focused on improvement. I've noticed the flip! I've seen more participants in my group exercise classes and I've seen more bodies at the gym in general. I've seen an explosion in activity in the online fitness and running communities I am a part of and more information and advertisements in my news feed online and on commercials on television.

"Ignorance is always afraid of change." -- Jawaharlal Nehru

Sometimes these changes stick, but more times than not they don't. When they don't, people feel frustrated and eventually become jaded, causing them to give up on attempting to change altogether. They'll mask their annoyance at failing by deciding that attempting to change is admitting that something is wrong with them, or that they're not grateful for what they do have. Anything to avoid facing up to the facts that they are dissatisfied with the results they achieved the last times they attempted self-improvement.

"So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situations because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality, nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit." -- Christopher McCandless

This post is not here to motivate you to change. I'm not going to encourage you jump on the New Year's bandwagon, if you haven't already. I don't want you to get back on, if you've fallen off already, cause so many have. I don't want you to just get over your failure frustrations and keep trying what isn't working for you. All I want to say is that whether you try or not, you will be a different person this time next year. It is inevitable that life changes us. Time changes us. All the past 'failures' are there to show us, not that we can't change, but that we can't control the exact outcome of of that change. Although we aren't in control of the results, we are in control of our actions and therefore our direction.

"Without change there is no innovation, creativity or incentive for improvement. Those who initiate change will have a better opportunity to manage the change that is inevitable." -- William Pollard

Even though the sheer numbers of people attempting a lifelong shift during this time of year may seem overwhelming, it's actually a great time to do it. Actually, any time of year is a great time to reach for something you want. But, if you are a person that relies on strength in numbers to stay focused or get motivated, use this time of year to get you started. So many more people are motivated during this time of year than any other because they realized they've picked up some new disagreeable health practices over the holidays and if they shift back to more beneficial health practices, they can prevent from forming bad habits that are even more difficult to overcome.

"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory." -- W. Edwards Deming

However, be wary of unrealistic change that typically starts with absolutes like, "I will never..." or "Every day I will..." If it didn't work for your life before the new year, it won't work now. You want to find small shift that enhance your life and your mood, not take from it. More times than not, giving into absolutes leaves you in a worse position than you started and nearly guarantees failure. For example, I saw someone attempting to exercise through an injury just to say they worked out every day this year, not realizing that this may set them up for disaster in the long run.

"Goals allow you to control the direction of change in your favor." -- Brian Tracy

For those of you who are opposed to change, I want you to focus on reaching a goal, because it is the pursuit of the goal that changes you. Break your big goal into small mini-goals that you adjust to over time. Check on your progress at regular intervals to see how you are progressing towards your big goal. Finally, when you've reached the deadline for the goal, instead of being disappointed if you didn't get the results that you hoped for, how about rejoicing that you forever made a shift in the direction your life was heading because we have created new and beneficial habits that we can build upon.

"If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree." -- Jim Rohn

You never have to live life in frustration. I don't know a single soul who wants to live a life of stress and disappointment. You can make changes in your life that serve you if you do it for the reasons you want and in a way that works for you. There is no "one size fits all" when it comes to your life. Avoid comparing what you're doing with what others are doing. Educate yourself on how to get what you want and tweak it so it works for the life you have now. Bottom line, be a better you at the end of this year than you are now. Choose to grow! I know you can do it!

Monday, December 19, 2016

Push THROUGH the End

If you're like a good number of people, you've already given up on your 2016 goals, especially if they involve anything with your health and fitness. I've seen steadily dwindling numbers in all of my group exercise classes since Halloween and I know in the last two weeks of the year the gym will seem like a desolate place. The holidays seem to be the perfect time to take a break or give up altogether, with the idea that you'll rededicate yourself in the new year.

"Integrity is keeping a commitment even after circumstances have changed." -- David Jeremiah

Going through such dramatic changes is the perfect ingredient for disaster. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can flip the switch on January 1. The goals you set for your life should change your life. Have you heard the words, "It's a lifestyle change," when it comes to reaching your ideal weight? Well that statement really applies to any and every goal you are setting.

"You're always a student, never a master. You have to keep moving forward." -- Conrad Hall

Yes! You will have to overcome some tough challenges to reach your goal. These tests are meant to mentally prepare you to accept the reward you wish to attain. Remember, the reason the current you does not yet have want it is you want is because you are not mentally or physically strong enough to accept it. Giving up now with the intention of starting again only proves that you are not ready to receive what you so desperately wish to have.

Regardless of the goal, you can still make progress during this time of year. This will make the transition into the new year a smooth one; building on the momentum you set now. Use these ideas to help you push through the end of the year.

1. Remember, all progress counts! One of my virtual mentor's stated that "Life Is Movement." Think about it. Things are constantly changing and moving. As long as you are living, your body continues to change. You cease to change when you die. Does this mean that when you refuse to change or when your stop changing, you are dead? Well, essentially, yes! It doesn't matter how fast you get there, as long as you get there. Keep placing one foot in front of the other until you reach your destination.

"Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward." -- Victor Kiam

2. Push Harder! It always gets tougher at the end or just before a big breakthrough. When reaching your goal gets tough, it's time pick up the pace and renew your enthusiasm. It's time to revisit why you want what you want. Ask yourself what achieving your goal will allow you to do. Visualize what it will look and feel like to finish! Use this to help you push harder. Don't be afraid to fight for your goal.

"You have to keep pushing towards those dreams no matter what setbacks happen." -- Anthony Hamilton

3. Get focused. Staying focused may be difficult during this time of year. With the changes in schedules and the addition of new or different activities, it can definitely be a challenge to stay on task. Multi-tasking is a myth. Your brain can only manage one thoughtful activity at a time. Attempting to multi-task only leaves you exhausted with fewer accomplishments because you spend more energy trying to "context switch" between tasks that require though. Instead of trying to tackle a lot of different important activities at the same time, try to set small increments of focused time to tackle the important items on you list. Schedule small breaks in between tasks to allow for your brain to recover and pick it back up again.

"Never give up, and be confident in what you do. There may be tough times, but the difficulties which you face will make you more determined to achieve your objectives and to win against all odds." -- Marta

The holidays are a great time to celebrate life. Remember this as you consider quitting or taking a break from the work required to reach your goals. It's fun to celebrate the life you have, especially while working to build the life you want. Imagine the celebration next year as you continue to push through the end of this year. Give yourself the best opportunity to truly enjoy that celebration by building momentum now.

"It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you don't stop." -- Confuscius

Monday, December 12, 2016

Celebrate Now and Celebrate Later

I truly appreciate those 'random acts of God' that help to keep me on track and save me from myself. You may think I'm terrible when I tell you why I'm so thankful and that's OK, because I know there are some folks out there right now who, like me, are concerned about keeping their health on track during this season where so many have every excuse to overindulge at their fingertips. It seems that every organization uses the end of the year to celebrate this year's accomplishments as we certainly should. It's just the way in which we celebrate that leaves me, in some ways, to feel like a scrooge.

"The only way to live is to accept each minute as an unrepeatable miracle, which is exactly what it is: a miracle and unrepeatable." -- Storm Jameson

Last week, I was ecstatic for my excuse to avoid my office's end of year sugar-fest disguised as a holiday/year end celebration where everyone is encouraged to make their favorite holiday sweets to share. We then gather right after lunch for two hours of sugar and games during the work day to 'celebrate' our accomplishments for the year. Although the organizers included the option for 'healthy' treats this year as to not appear to force people to choose unhealthy desserts, it's historically been a dessert-fest and that's what people bring.

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." -- Mae West

Ecstatic may be the wrong word, because I was definitely not feeling well. I was feeling a tad under the weather. I believe I was just feeling run down as I have a difficult time keeping a reasonable sleep schedule. I noticed my body was feeling much colder than usual and although we were experiencing a change in temperatures, my body was signaling me to take a rest. So I listened and celebrated all my hard work for the year warmly nestled in my bed, instead of doing double damage with immune-system-weakening-sugar-filled treats I would have succumbed to had I chose to go to work and attend the treat fest.

"Self sabotage is like a game of mental tug of war. It is the conscious mind versus the subconscious mind where the subconscious mind always eventually wins." -- Bo Bennet

Believe it or not, many of the events we attend during this holiday season with the purpose of celebrating create a perfect storm for self-sabotaging behavior. There is always an abundance of high calorie food and drinks, especially those loaded with sugar. Even if we manage to keep things in check, attending these events may add to our busy schedules causing us additional stress or will cause us to sacrifice other activities we may normally participate in.

"Just imagine how much you'd get done if you stopped actively sabotaging your own work." -- Seth Goden

Self-sabotaging behavior is any behavior that gets in the way of long-standing goals. Many times, people engage in this type of behavior simply because they do not believe they are deserving of success. Here are a few ways to avoid turning celebrations into sabotage so you can truly enjoy the Holidays now and still celebrate later:

1. Make a workout schedule and stick to it. If you find you have an especially busy day, plan for a couple short times to get moving. No one needs to workout for hours on end. 30-60 minutes will do, but if you are particularly busy 3-5 10 minute activity sessions beats nothing at all. If you don't have access right now, get 30 days of free streaming workouts through Beachbody On Demand. Planning and sticking to your workout schedule will not only provide you with the mental and physical energy you need to get through your busy days, but will also give you at least one thing you can have control over. During this busy time of year, we need to feel in control of something in our day to avoid feeling burned-out or let down.

2. Get good sleep. We all know that it's hard to keep your stress and emotions in check without proper rest, but do you understand how minimal sleep disrupts your hormones? Studies show that even one night of poor sleep raises your insulin levels. If you're over indulging in sugary treats on top of that, you are keeping your body in a high stress state. This encourages your body to protect its vital organs by storing fat.

3. Celebrate by focusing on the company and not the food. To do this, avoid showing up to events hungry and drink more water while you are there. Plan for any treats you may encounter at the event. It's OK to be a food-snob, or as I call it a "fit foodie." Enjoying great food is great, just make sure it truly IS great.

To celebrate yourself, you have to be your biggest cheerleader and avoid self-sabotaging behaviors. You must believe you are deserving of success. The best time to start getting in the best shape of your life for 2017 is NOW! It's not the time to toss your workouts until the new year or over-indulge in foods that will not benefit you. So many people attempt to hit the ground crawling once the New Year rolls around as they struggle to pull themselves out of bad habits they slid into during the holidays. It is difficult to pull a complete 180 and go from overeating and overindulgence to eating clean and exercising within a matter of a few days, even for the most dedicated individuals. Now is the time to truly celebrate yourself and set yourself up for more celebrating in 2017.

Monday, November 28, 2016

Monday Movement: Avoid Holiday Burnout

I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving holiday! I certainly enjoyed spending time with my son and having the time off from work. As I was up late on Wednesday night getting my Thanksgiving meal prepped, I was reminded of how it was typical for me to experience burnout this time year. 'Tis the season to be holly, jolly and so bright you burnout? I'm certain this isn't the intention, but with the changes in schedules due to extra events and activities to celebrate the season, usually with abundance of heavy, sugary foods, it's hard to avoid feeling overwhelmed. Between completing additional tasks for seasonal activities and a lack of control of my daily schedule, it was easy for me to feel like I just didn't want to participate in any holiday activities.

"There is more to life than increasing it's speed." -- Mahatma Gandhi

I know I'm not the only one who has felt they wanted to disengage from everything when things got busy. In our fast-paced society, it is pretty common during this time of year. Let's face it, we spend most of our days reacting to notifications and during the holidays, there are simply more of them. Add to it the fact that many companies are pushing hard to accomplish year-end goals which may leave you with more stress than usual. If you are not careful ot manage this exponentially increasing stress, you can easily experience burnout.

This is what would happen to me nearly every year. Just as I felt like I was managing the business of getting my son back into his school-time routine, football practice and game day Saturdays more would be added on with the holidays; travel, shopping, parties, events. It also seemed routine for my company to plan a project deadline just before the holidays. I suppose the hope was that engineers would be pushed to get it done so they could relax over the holidays, but the projects were always behind and never actually completed before January! By the time the holidays hit, I had already been operating at full capacity. Adding more fuel can certainly make the fire burn brighter, but it can also cause the flame to burnout.

"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it." -- Sydney J. Harris

There is a difference between stress and burnout. Burnout hits when you've been operating at high-capacity for a while and haven't given yourself the appropriate relief. Burnout hits almost overnight. All of a sudden, you find it hard to get out of bed. You may find it hard to get to work on time. You've lost all desire to get things done like you used to. Most importantly, you avoid engaging with others. You might be easily distracted when interacting with family and friends you would normally interact with daily. During the holidays, you start to feel like a scrooge, easily annoyed at all the hustle and bustle going on around you.

Although my Thanksgiving weekend started off a little busier than I would have liked, I'm happy to have noticed that I was heading for burnout if I didn't take heed. Since I've started focusing on living a healthy lifestyle - eating nutritiously, daily workouts, regular water intake and improved sleep, I am less likely to experience burnout during this time of year than I did in the past. It's because it's these same "healthy lifestyle" activities that are important for avoiding and relieving symptoms of burnout.

"Being in control of your life and having realistic expectations about your day-to-day challenges are the keys to stress management, which is perhaps the most important ingredient to living a happy, healthy and rewarding life." -- Marilu Henner

Get your normal amount of sleep, at least. It's easy to neglect a little sleep trying to get more done, but we actually need more sleep than usual during the winter months. As much as we try to ignore mother nature, the shortened daylight hours during winter signal our bodies to hibernate. Neglecting to get our regular amounts of sleep only add to our stress and feelings of overwhelm.
Make exercise a priority. Even though it may be the last thing you feel like doing, exercise is a powerful antidote to stress and burnout. Research shows that your body creates endogenous endorphins and enkephalins, which are just fancy words for endogenous morphine and endogenous opiates. Yep!! Just like the stuff you're thinking of, this helps you feel good and relaxed after your workout! Not only do your workouts increase your mood, but they also improve your focus. You don't have to create some elaborate workout routine or get a new gym membership. You can simply start with taking short walks throughout the day. If you need a little more of a boost, try a 30-day trial to stream a variety of challenging workouts online.
Eat a healthy diet. I know it's challenging during this time of year with over-abundance of treats and sweets, but no that saying "no" to some of this stuff means saying "yes" to enjoying the season! Your goal is to minimize the foods that adversely effect your moods and energy, like sugar, refined carbs, trans fat and chemicals to name a few. Choose foods that give you fuel, that boost your brain-power and keep you satiated throughout your busy days, by including more protein and fiber; i.e. lean meats, nuts, legumes, fresh fruits and fresh veggies. Include more foods that contain Omega-3 fatty acids, like salmon, walnuts and flaxseed to name a few.

Stay hydrated. Focus on H2O! Water keeps your body moving at it's best. Aim for at least 1/2 your body weight in ounces of water every day.
Stick to a routine. It's definitely a challenge to stick to your regular routine during the holidays, but do your best. Plan out your weeks so that you're only taking on what you can realistically handle without skipping workouts and any time needed for meal prep. The more you feel in control of your schedule, the less likely you are to get overwhelmed.

This list is a great start to what has kept me from experiencing burnout during the holidays so that I can truly make great memories while spending invaluable time with family and friends. It is also helpful in warding off that undesired holiday weight gain. I find that the years I experience burnout are also the years I've managed to gain the most weight during the holidays. If you've experienced burnout in the past, I want to challenge you to take a whole new look at how you spend the holidays. Take time to take control and avoid it this year by taking a little more care for yourself. I know you can do it! You are worth it!!

Monday, November 14, 2016

Movement Monday: How to Make a Commitment to Yourself

Many people believe they know what they want. They have a desire for the short term -- lose weight, have more energy, make more money, get out of debt, have more fun and the list goes on. Deciding what you want is the easy part. Having the desire to improve a part of our lives is the easy part. Making the commitment to get it done is a completely different story.

"Intent reveals desire; action reveals commitment." -- Dr. Steve Maraboli

This is post is a continuation from last week, so if you haven't checked it out yet, I encourage you to get the details right here so you are not lost.

So why are we afraid to make commitments to ourselves? After all the results directly affects our own lives. It would seem that making commitments to oneself would be simple. Yet, people waiver when it comes to committing to the process of self improvement.

"Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality." -- Abraham Lincoln

So let's talk about how to make and keep commitments period. I will encourage you to use this to help you with an item you've been wavering on.

1 - Name your fear.

As previously mentioned, most failure to commit to related to fear. Fear of missing out, fear of losing options, fear of losing your freedom, fear of failure. So I will first encourage you to ask yourself: what exactly are you afraid of? What will you be missing out on? Could it be that your chosen coarse of action to get you to your goal is simply not for you? What exactly do you fear losing? Does the reward of reaching your goal trump what you may be leaving behind? Do you fear being trapped and restricted? Do you not realize that reaching your goal gives you more options which is more freedom?Do you fear not reaching your goal and simply feel safer if you don't even try? Long term, can you really be happy with that? Lastly, as mentioned last week, many people have a simple fear of the unknown due to the amygdala. Luckily there is a portion of the brain that counterbalances the amygdala called the prefrontal cortex (PFC). The PFC lights up when you imagine greatness for yourself in the future. Your brain grows strong in the area that is used the most. Unfortunately, while the amygdala seems to strengthen without really thinking about it, we have to intentionally choose to strengthen the PFC. A great way to do this is daily affirmations.

"Most people fail, not because of lack of desire, but because of lack of commitment." -- Vince Lombardi

2 - Decide to be more decisive

Indecisiveness becomes a habit over time. Whenever we make a decision about anything, we are committing to it - at least for the time being. If commitment to any decision has been a problem for you, then start practicing being more decisive in lots of small ways. Realize that indecisiveness is also a decision. Something will happen whether you actively choose it or not. A great decision is usually made with less-than-perfect information, along with your brain and your gut. Take time to look at an issue from different angles and then trust yourself to act.

3 - Create a strong desire
In order to fully commit to anything, you need a clear and personally compelling reason. Without a strong desire, you will struggle when the work gets tough. Make sure you fully understand what it is you want and most importantly why you want it. Attempting a life change for someone else will never work. I've seen it time and time again. People desiring to lose weight to make their significant other happy. Someone else's suggestions or comments will never create a strong enough desire to get you through the challenging work of change.

"There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you only do it when it's convenient. When you're committed to doing something, you accept no excuses; only results." -- Kenneth Blanchard

4 - Identify the key actions
It is important to understand which core actions will produce the result you are after. In most endeavors there are often many activities that help you accomplish your goal. However there are usually a few key activities that account for a majority of the results. It is important to identify these activities, because after all, our ultimate goal is to get results.

“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” -- Margaret Thatcher

5 - Count the costs
It's true. Commitments require sacrifice, but in all that effort, there are also benefits and rewards. Too often we fail to identify the true cost of reaching our goal and this make it difficult to keep our commitments. Costs to consider include time, money, risk, uncertainty, loss of comfort, and so on. Identifying the costs before you commit allows you to consciously choose whether you are willing to pay the price of your commitment. When and if you face any of these anticipated costs, it is helpful to recognize that you foresaw them and previously decided that reaching your goal was worth it.

We are digging deep and working through these steps in my current online health and fitness accountability group. You can definitely go through it alone, but having the support of a group of people and a coach makes it less scary and more fun! I will always encourage you to join us at anytime because it's better to start now, than not at all. Make that commitment to yourself!

Monday, October 10, 2016

Movement Monday: How To Get It ALL Done

Busy. Busy. Busy!!! "I'm just so busy!" Who doesn't say this? The days go fast. The weeks go faster. Our calendars are jam packed. Every minute of the day is filled taking care of something. All the while we feel overwhelmed and even though we're getting stuff done, we don't seem to accomplish what we want for our own life!

Why?!

"It always seems impossible until it's done." -- Nelson Mandela

As a health and fitness coach, "busy" is the excuse I hear the most for people not caring for themselves.

"I'm just too busy to go to the gym."
"I'm too busy to cook meals."
"I'm too busy to _______" [fill in the blank with anything that involves taking care of yourself]

Once again the question is WHY?!

"It is not enough to be busy... The question is: what are we busy about?" -- Henry David Thoreau

Yes we have our children's needs, our spouse's or significant other's needs, work responsibilities, but why do we choose to give to others before ourselves? Why do we choose to place the activities that will actually allow us to do more for the people we care about on the the back burner?

Anyone that's taken my 5 Day Productivity Workshop knows that it's not about Time Management but Life Management. It's your life. You get just one life. Why not manage your life to your liking?

So, how do you find the time to get it ALL DONE? How do you find the time to do for you self, so you can be at your best for all that you want to do? Just take a look at some of the most successful people. How do successful people get it done? Maybe considering successful people in general is not relate-able, so I will put myself out there for consideration. I am a single mother, pre-silicon design verification technical team lead, health and fitness coach, PiYo and RPM instructor currently teaching 5 classes/week, crazy football mom who not only ensures my son has what he needs, but diligently works to support the team by running the social media accounts for the football boosters and most importantly takes the time to enjoy my family and friends who mean the most to me. How do I get it all done to my liking and still get sleep? I'll list a few:

Exercise - Exercise is more than just an activity to aide weight loss. Increasing your heart rate increases blood flow to the brain. This makes you more alert and focused to tackle your challenging tasks. Regularly completing physical activity also improves your confidence, giving you the determination to get the job done. Additionally, routine movement gives you more energy and allows you to get better sleep which makes you less stressed and an overall happier person to be around.
Protect your focus - Multitasking is a myth. You spend more time and energy trying to context switch on complicated tasks. According to a study by Microsoft, it takes the brain 15 minutes to re-focus after losing your train of thought during your work. You can get more done spending 15-50 focused minutes on a task than attempting to manage a couple things at the same time. Our life is full or interruptions and distractions, so you have to be proactive to avoid distractions while completing tasks. If this means silencing or turning off your phone, do it!
Set routines - We are creatures of habit. Believe it or not, our brains are meant to operate on auto-pilot. When you create regular routines, setting what your do when you wake up, go to sleep, prep your meals, pack your gym bag, grocery shop, etc., you can use your brain power for developing and creating things that make your life and the lives of the people around you better.

The Fall season is a great time to evaluate what you're doing right now to get it all done! With kids back in school, most parents have more activities and responsibilities. Many start to get overwhelmed with the continuous requests on their time due to the increased number of activities and commitments. This can become a draining and exhausting downward spiral leading into the holidays and I don't know anyone who wants to spend the holiday season feeling defeated.

Getting it ALL DONE is the focus of my next online fitness challenge opening October 24th and running through the first day of Winter, just in time to get it fALL DONE!

Monday, October 3, 2016

Movement Monday: Do What Makes YOU Happy!

Welcome to Movement Monday! This started as an email I sent weekly to my customers and clients designed to motivate continued action to achieve a desired goal throughout the week. My mission is to provide the "want to" when it comes to reaching YOUR goal because the "how to" is different for every body and every goal. When you are constantly seeking the truth, you will find exactly what you need. Each email contains a subject, practical suggestions or encouragement surrounding the subject and powerful quotes that support the weekly theme. After a big shift in my life, I am motivated to share my email with everyone! My email subscribers will still receive an abridged version with a link to the full details here.

I'm sure we've all heard the saying by now, "You CAN NOT make everyone happy!" Any attempt to try to please others, not only makes them unhappy, but most importantly, it makes you unhappy.

Even if you are very well aware of this fact, we have to remind ourselves from time to time. Why are we so obsessed with pleasing others? Believe me, I am not immune to these pathetic people pleasing pursuits. Just check out my dilemma in a previous blog, permanently documented for all to see - Taking Extreme Measures.

Don't worry, I won't try to make you unhappy by lecturing you on why you shouldn't be a people-pleaser. Instead, I want to share with you how my son learned this lesson for himself.

"You can't please everyone. When you're too focused on living up to other people's standards, you aren't spending enough time raising your own. Some people may whisper, complain and judge. But for the most part, it's all in your head. People care less about your actions than you think. Why? They have their own problems!" -- Kris Carr

This year has been more challenging than usual raising my son. Single parent or not, I have a teenager!!! His 16-year-old brain has allowed him to imagine he's an adult, but we all know the truth - the region of the brain which is responsible for instinctual reactions develops much earlier than the frontal cortex, the area of the brain that controls reasoning and helps us think before we act.

Although he is a well-behaved kid and I consider him fairly mature for his age, because he is focused and driven, he is still a teen and I was at my wits end with his behavior and attitude. When he wanted to live with his father in Colorado, I was ready to let him; even though it broke my heart.

He did as much 'research' as he could to see what it would be like living out there. He visited with his potential school, met some potential classmates and considered what types of activities he might have the opportunity to try so that he could see if it might really be a good fit for him.

As hard as it was, I supported his discoveries every step of the way. Once he was accepted into his new school in Colorado it seemed that nothing was holding him back from choosing to live with his dad. For my son, however, it seemed to make his decision harder as he started to pay attention and appreciate some of the comforts he had back in Texas. I told him that as hard as it might be to live away from me, I couldn't help him make his decision.

"All I can do is follow my instincts, because I'll never please everyone." -- Emma Watson

Sure, as his custodial parent, I could certainly choose to not allow him to go and I got a lot of flack from a few of my friends who disagreed with my decision. It's quite interesting how people will attempt to place their standards on your life as though they've walked in your shoes. I knew however, what I could and could not live with. I believed in the possibility of this move benefiting my son for his future as a productive member of society.

I too had to follow what I told my son. "Don't be worried about who might be sad or mad about decisions you make for your life. You're the one that has to look at yourself in the mirror every day. You have to live with the choices you make, so make one you can live with."

It was interesting how my son was reminded of what I told him from a couple mentors when he was in Colorado and considering returning back home to Texas. Especially considering how he felt at the time, they are ultimately what helped him to decide to come back home.

So, I want to focus on some simple signs that you are unhappy as these became evident to my son almost immediately and although he didn't truly understand, they are fairly classic symptoms that you are not aligned with your purpose. Use these to check your "happiness meter," because leaving them unchecked can lead to depression

No longer enjoying what you love to do. I was surprised when my son told me that he had to motivate himself to go to practices. My son will work out from sun up to sun down to perfect his craft. At home, I must encourage him to rest, reminding him that muscles need rest to rebuild.
Difficulty waking up in the morning. I'm not talking about true exhaustion, where you've probably set your alarm way too early for the time you went to bed. I'm talking about not having the desire to accomplish YOUR day after a reasonable portion of rest. My son only recognized this when he made it back home to Texas and had to be up at 6 AM for practice. He said he had no problems getting up, when it was completely opposite in Colorado.
You can't get in the groove. My son complained of his struggles with getting things complete like he needed, but I personally felt this also when he was gone. I had ZERO creative juices and absolutely no motivation to motivate. This is a problem when you are used to providing motivation and support to people who are looking to make a change in their life. It's hard to motivate others, when I could not motivate myself.
You feel out of place. My son was the new kid in a new environment, so it was definitely natural for him to feel out of place. However, when you don't envision yourself ever fitting in, that becomes a problem. If you don't see yourself thriving in an environment, you won't. Your vision is the best predictor of your outcome. If you can't create a positive vision of your future, you won't have a positive outcome.

It is important to recognize when you're unhappy and analyze why. As hard as this past year has been, I'm thankful my son had the experiences he had. He has some invaluable tools that will help him become that productive member of society every parent hopes their child will become. I look forward to seeing what his future holds, but I also appreciate every moment we get to share. I will admit, we are both happier now that we both made decisions WE could live with!

If this post has helped you in any way, please share it with someone you care about so they too can start building the life of their dreams!